Moments

Life is made up of trillions of moments, each one affecting the ensuing moment. We control many of these moments in our lives by the choices we make. Others we can't control, either because they were made by another individual or they are merely the consequence of the previous moment. When we look back at time, we can often piece the moments together in a string of events. When we do this we are able to see the interwoven fiber that connects them together.

Sometimes these series of interconnected events are the most beautiful thing in the world and they become the stories that get passed down through the ages. They may start out with "So I took the later train that day and when I climbed aboard, I saw the most beautiful woman sitting there" and end with "that women is your grandmother." We look back and exclaim, "Oh thank heavens your alarm didn't go off that morning" or "So glad the sticky note fell off the door and got picked up by him" or "If he hadn't been promoted, we never would have moved back east." These events are so prominent that it is easy to recognize them and show gratitude for them.

Then there are other events that we never notice, many of them because they never happened. We will never know that if we hadn't stopped to change the radio station before backing out of the driveway that we would have hit the neighbor boy riding his bike down the sidewalk. We'll never know that if the meeting coordinator hadn't pushed for the meeting to be in Austin rather than San Antonio, we may have been on a flight without a doctor so that when we suffered an allergic reaction, we may have died rather than being saved by a complete stranger. We will never know that the the farmer had changed pesticides at the last second and had he not, we would have become seriously ill from the apples we purchased. These events never occurred because a tiny moment forever altered the course of time. They are the ones, that if we even recognize, cause us to exclaim, "I'm so glad that…"

Finally we have the type of events that hurt, the ones we wish we could rewind the clock on. These are the ones that cause us to utter "if only" over and over again. We replay the moment or the moments and events leading up to the moment and agonize over each one, knowing that each was a stepping stone that led up to the accident or tragedy. We, by nature, are inclined to either take the blame or cast the blame, thinking somehow that doing so will help. It won't. As we start to comprehend that these millions of events are all interconnected, blaming someone is simply pardoning another earlier in the chain.

Ultimately, as we realize that we are mere mortals in an eternal situation, we will be more capable of letting go. Letting go of the guilt, the pain, the anger, and the longing. God has mastered the delicate balance of being omnipotent and yet allowing us to have our free agency. He is capable of preventing every accident, every heartache, but would that be somehow better? How would that affect later events? How would we grow if that is how God worked? He knows the end from the beginning and He knows us personally. He is the on who sends angels to the scene of an accident and dictates whether it is heal or to usher one home.

In the wake of Sammy's accident on Thursday, I have reflected on these eternal matters. As I sat in the back of the cab on my way to pick her and Hattie up, I found myself in prayer. When we later learned that Sammy, despite being hit by a car going 35 MPH, had not sustained any broken bones or permanent internal damage, I knew guardian angels had been sent. I wouldn't doubt it if they were the same angels that kept me from falling out of a window at the age of 2 or healing my broken neck at the age of 4. I can't explain why this was a "thank heavens" and not an "if only" moment in our lives. I can't explain why some accidents don't have a positive outcome while others do. I have, however, been involved in too many traumatic injuries in this life to know that it isn't just "luck" or "fate" that dictates the outcome of a situation. I've found that faith and trust in Him are the only ways to obtain peace during moments of tribulation. Indeed, how we respond, not the moments themselves, are the only thing truly within our control.