Need to be Needed

My eyes were still stinging. I cupped my hands over my face and breathed in deeply. When exhaling, I tried to push the air between the slits in my fingers. I could probably fall asleep like this, my elbows on the table. I could fall asleep in most any position actually. Noise? Light? Not a problem. I slouched down again in my chair, letting my head hang uncomfortably over the back of the chair. This put a strain on my neck that let me know I was still feeling something. I had sunk into a boredom so deep that even the things I wanted to do were now sleep inducing. This whole sleep thing, it wasn't because of insomnia or even going to bed at extremely late hours. I think it was a result of not being pushed. I had started to feel worthless, not needed, unmotivated. This wasn't my fault. Not entirely. Sure, I could rummage through some tutorial somewhere on some computer related topic but once again, this would be just another sleep inducing activity. Maybe we should just refer to these as SIA's in the future. I like that. But what do you think, should we leave the apostrophe?

I wasn't desiring something to do on a scale between good and better. I was aspiring to do something that would make me feel needed. You know, that necessary human emotion we all long for. Just like love or success or happiness, it feels good to be needed. Like the time when you see a group of men carrying something heavy from a moving truck into a home, like an upright piano, and you are able to lend a hand to prevent the piano from falling. Even if they don't utter the phrase, "good thing you were there" you will still feel a sense of accomplishment. You feel glad that you were needed.

I had at times been needed but I wanted to play a bigger role; Get my hands involved in more assignments. More participation surely will lead to more knowledge and more knowledge will prompt promotion. No one wants to stay the bottom rung on a ladder. It should be noted however that pushing to be needed can be a risky thing. Realistically you shouldn't have to try and be needed. You just are. The egg whites aren't begging to be added to that birthday cake, they just are. They provide that yummy light texture we all desire and so naturally an experienced baker would be crazy to omit them from the ingredient list.

This brings me to a point of questioning: What areas do I shine in that would make it easy to be needed? This is not something I'm great at. You know, the whole idea of pinning down my strengths. That's one reason I don't love interviews. That ever so common question, "So tell me your strengths." Of course I can't blame an employer for asking it but it makes me flirt with the line between bragging and digging. Digging to find something I can highlight. This small piece written here was an exercise. An exercise to both keep me awake and to test my brain to see if it was still functioning, cable or writing a sort of oratory. Almost a dialogue with oneself. I don't know, you tell me, was it successful?