STOP!

I worked 13 hours last night. Then I stopped and fixed a friend's alarm system. By that time we we had passed the 11 PM mark. I couldn't go home because of a wood floor fix. So Sam and Chelsea kindly obliged to let me crash on the couch. I was driving up 1300 S, a bit tired, but content, when next thing I knew I had sirens in my rear view mirror. I hadn't been speeding so I was excited; the thrill of finding out what menial law had been violated. Had I ran someone over? Maybe a cat or a raccoon? Had I driven too close to the curb? The middle line? And then panic: Had they finally caught onto my late night prostitution? Oh no! The officer approached. Asked me for the usual: Driver's License, proof of insurance, registration, and a Virginia Slim. I was able to provide 75% of requested items.(Will not disclose which 3) The cop then, seeing the fear in my eyes, informed me that I had been pulled over for not coming to a complete stop.

Oh dear! How could I? Once a law abiding citizen, in mere seconds I had become a hardened criminal, a menace to society, a threat to the population, a danger to the masses. The rape, drug use, theft, domestic violence, drunk driving, indecent exposure, reckless driving can go on. But the failure to fully halt at a 4 way stop on an abandoned street, this must stop. Think of the fatalities, injuries, repercussions, heartache, and loss that most likely occurred from my claimed infraction. Tears welled up in my eyes out of the shame I felt. My pulse sank to a mere 74/23 as depression and guilt overwhelmed my soul.

But wait? I had stopped. I hadn't blitzed that stop sign. There was a car I had pulled up next to. We hung out at that white line together before he went right and I proceeded straight. Hmm... So what if the cop was just upset that my car hadn't been washed in months? Maybe he had just failed for the 20th straight time on the same Angry Birds level. Maybe he was thinking about the recent streak of losses by the Jazz and Utes. Maybe he was imagining what it would have been like to be in Egypt without internet for 5 days? Maybe he had tried to order his Verizon iPhone on his dinner break and realized they were already sold out? So maybe I was the scape goat? The truly innocent citizen, caught in the wrong place at the wrong time. Like the innocent gazelle who happened to meander down to the river to quench its thirst only to be at the wrong river bend at the wrong time and find itself feet up, head down the alligator's throat.

So I had a decision to make. Did I get out of the car and challenge the officer to a smack-down, a thumb war, or break dance competition? I quickly determined that this was a bad idea. Leaving your vehicle during a moment like this was always frowned upon and interpreted as a sign of hostility and defiance. So i abated my desire for a game of paper-rock-scissors and waited patiently. The officer returned after some delay to proudly hand me a citation. As he handed me the citation, I noticed him quickly wiping what appeared to be ketchup off his fingers and onto his fine pressed navy slacks. Wait a second? He'd been back there eating Wendy's Sea Salted Fries this whole time? My paper had dark spots from where the sodium content had soiled the starch on the ticket. Next thing I knew, he was throwing up the peace sign and parting ways with a simple, "Ten cuidado Justino, tu salvacion esta en juego." Jaw dropped and stunned, like a deer in headlights, I slide the ticket onto the floor, the shifter into drive, and eased my way back onto the road and into society, Heaven alone knowing the who the real violator in the situation was.